By Joe Kort, PhD, Huffington Post
I recently wrote a blog post
about the music video for singer-songwriter Steve Grand's song "All-American Boy," in which a gay man falls in love with a straight man and they share a quick kiss. In that post I addressed why gay men might be attracted to straight men, but that question raises another: Why might a straight man be romantically or sexually attracted to other men? Why did the straight guy in the video kiss the gay guy back, after all?
The following scenario happens many times: A man comes into my office, referred by his own therapist and clutching coming-out literature that the therapist has given him. He explains that his therapist has tried, unsuccessfully, to help him come out as gay or bisexual, but even though he's had sex with other men or gone to gay porn websites, he insists that he isn't gay. He says that he isn't homophobic either; if it turns out that he is indeed gay or bisexual, he'll accept it and move on with his life, but the label just doesn't feel right to him.
During the last three decades, in reaction to prejudiced and destructive anti-gay attitudes, we've seen the pendulum swing so far in the other direction that it's now become almost a therapeutic credo, not to mention a requirement of political correctness, to assume that men who have sex with men are "in denial" and need help to recognize and accept their "true" homosexual orientation. In fact, neither extreme represents the experience of many men. The truth is that many men who have sex with men aren't gay or even bisexual. Although their mental and emotional state resembles that of the initial stages of coming out, gay and bisexual men go on to develop a gay or a bisexual identity, whereas these men don't.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
Both comments and pings are currently closed.