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I can’t just sit and watch the misery of divorce, says judge as he quits

April 18th, 2014 Jill Posted in Children/Family, Divorce Comments Off

Sir Paul ColeridgeBy Daniel Martin, Mailonline

A senior judge has called for action to ‘stem the tide’ of family breakdown – as it was revealed Britain has more failed marriages than almost any other country.

Sir Paul Coleridge retired from the High Court’s Family Division on Thursday after he was formally warned over campaigning for marriage.

He said he could not ‘sit here day after day’ seeing the effect of family breakdown without speaking out against it.

In December he was reprimanded by heads of the judiciary after setting up the Marriage Foundation think tank and airing views in a newspaper article.

At a retirement ceremony yesterday, Sir Paul said: ‘I know how consoling and good a good marriage can be and how it gets better over the years and also how ghastly family breakdown can be. Something can and should be done to stem the tide of family breakdown.

‘Family judges have a unique experience of this and therefore a unique contribution to make.

‘We should not be afraid to speak out … I cannot sit here day after day watching misery and doing nothing.’

Sir Paul’s comments came as an international report found barely half of UK adults are married – and almost one in ten are divorced or separated. Only four countries in the West have a higher proportion of divorcees who have not remarried.

Last night Norman Wells, of campaigners Family and Youth Concern, said the rise in unmarried cohabitation, outlined in the report, was a ‘disaster for children’ as it meant their parents were more likely to separate.

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Headlines: Cohabitation Doesn’t Cause Divorce. True?

March 19th, 2014 Jill Posted in Cohabitation, Divorce Comments Off

By Glenn T Stanton

A number of us who follow such things have been getting lots of questions about the news stories over the last two weeks reporting that research now proves that living together before marriage doesn’t cause divorce. A sampling of these stories are here, here and here. The headlines are stark and definitive: New Research Says Cohabitation Doesn’t Lead to Higher Likelihood of Divorce.
 
The reason this seems to be such big news is that a boat-load of published research over the past few decades by mainstream scholars has consistently shown that living together before marriage corresponds with a couple’s elevated risk of divorce. And dramatically so. This finding has been so significant and consistent that it’s earned itself a name among sociologists: the cohabitation effect. And the debate in the field has not been whether it exists, but why it exists. I give a thorough overview of this research in my recent book, The Ring Makes All the Difference.
 
So what do we make of this new study that supposedly proves that all this other research is wrong? A good place to start is to read the study, which would have been a good idea for the journalists who reported on it. The author of this article says unequivocally that her study proves “that cohabitation doesn’t cause divorce and probably never did.”
 
Read here
 
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Family breakdown ‘could cost taxpayers £46bn’

March 5th, 2014 Jill Posted in Children/Family, Cohabitation, Divorce, Marriage Comments Off

Questions: Bishop of ChesterBy John Bingham, Telegraph

Welfare minister Lord Freud says Government has ‘clear duty’ to strengthen family and insists true impact of relationship breakdown goes 'far deeper' than benefits bill

The true cost of divorce and family breakdown in Britain goes “far higher” and “far deeper” than the multi-billion pound benefits bill, a welfare minister has warned.

Lord Freud said that the current £9 billion cost to the taxpayer of lone parent benefits amounts to just the tip of the iceberg when the full social cost of separation is taken into account.

He also called for marriage to be “put back into its rightful place” after a surge in the number of children being brought up by unmarried parents who he said were four times more likely to separate than those who tie the knot.

The Coalition should make “no apology” for saying that it has a “clear duty” to strengthen the family, he said.

The peer’s comments, in an article for The Telegraph, came as he acknowledged that family breakdown could be costing the country up to £46 billion a year.

Speaking in the Lords, he also said that the Government should actively attempt to reverse what he called a “major structural changes” in society away from marriage and towards cohabitation.

His remarks came in response to a question from the Bishop of Chester, the Rt Rev Peter Forster, about the cost to the welfare budget from family breakdown.

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The Systemic War Against Fathers

February 28th, 2014 Jill Posted in Children/Family, Divorce Comments Off

by Bill Muehlenberg, Culture Watch

Most Western family law courts and systems are greatly skewed against fathers. There is an inbuilt bias against dads, and many are turned into criminals for having done nothing wrong. The facts on this are quite clear. Consider which parent is awarded custody of children after divorce: women are, some 85 per cent of the time in many Western countries.

This is not because the dads do not want the kids, but because the family law courts and tribunals invariably side with the mothers here, even if the dad may not be at fault. Indeed, the majority of divorces are initiated by women. And feminism and political correctness have ensured that women will usually get the benefit of the doubt, while men are looked upon as the villain.

Now of course in a marriage it takes both spouses to make it work, and most divorces also entail faults with both partners. Sure there are some dead-beat dads, abusive husbands, and irresponsible fathers. But there are also mothers who are equally at fault. There are irresponsible mums, abusive wives, and so on. Yet the way the law treats these matters, you would think that women are almost always right, while men are almost always wrong.

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Prenups spark Do-It-Yourself divorce ‘revolution’

February 27th, 2014 Jill Posted in Divorce Comments Off

by John Bingham, Telegraph

Legally binding prenups and financial calculators envisaged in landmark Law Commission report signalling move to DIY divorce in England and Wales

 Married couples will be able to draft their own DIY divorce settlements using an officially-approved financial formula without having to fight over details in court under plans put before ministers today.

Under proposals put forward by the Government’s legal reviewer, prenuptial agreements would become legally binding in England and Wales for the first time.

The Law Commission is also urging the Government to consider devising a specific numerical formula which separating couples could use to calculate how to divide their assets.

The introduction of a Government-approved divorce 'calculator’ would allow couples to work out how much each should receive without as much involvement from lawyers.

The Commission has asked a panel of judges and lawyers to prepare guidelines on issues such as maintenance payments to enable couples and people without legal qualifications to draft financial settlements which could then be approved by a court.

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Marriage guidance could save Britain billions by staving off family break-up

January 29th, 2014 Jill Posted in Children/Family, Divorce, Marriage Comments Off

by John Bingham, Telegraph

For every pound couples spend on marriage preparation courses and relationship counselling, taxpayers could save up to £11.50, Government-backed study calculates

Encouraging couples to go to marriage courses or relationship counselling sessions could ultimately save taxpayers billions of pounds a year by reducing family break-up, a Government backed study concludes.

The report, the first of its kind, calculates that some successful relationship initiatives could pay for themselves more than 11 times over when the social cost of separation is taken into account.

It follows estimates that broken relationships cost Britain between £20 billion and £44 billion a year in extra benefits for single parents, housing costs or spending on health and the criminal justice system linked to family break-up.

A team led by experts at the Tavistock Institute, the research group, analysed the success rates of three types of marriage and relationship education courses run by the charities including Relate, Marriage Care and Care For the Family.

They included a traditional marriage preparation programme, shorter “relationship education” sessions for established couples and professional counselling for those facing difficulties.

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No such thing as a ‘good’ divorce when children involved, say divorcees

January 8th, 2014 Jill Posted in Children/Family, Culture, Divorce Comments Off

By John Bingham, Telegraph

There is no such thing as a “good” divorce in the opinion of most parents who have been through a split, polling by the counselling charity Relate has found.

Six out of 10 parents who had been through a family break-up said that they did not believe in the idea of a good separation.

More than half of them admitted that, despite their efforts to minimise the pain, the experience had had a negative effect on their children.

The findings follow a separate study by the parenting website Netmums which suggested that the effects of break-up on children are more severe than the adults realise.

The Relate survey also illustrates how protracted most separations can be. Only 40 per cent of those polled said they had completed the process within a year and one in 10 said it had taken more than five years.

Read here

Read also:  Children facing 'epidemic of loneliness' – surge in self-harm

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How divorcing parents delude themselves about the effect on children

December 30th, 2013 Jill Posted in Children/Family, Divorce Comments Off

By Sarah Harris, Mailonline

Divorced parents are often in denial about how badly the break-up has damaged their children, a survey has found.

More than three quarters believed their children had ‘coped well’ – even though just 18 per cent of youngsters said they were happy with the situation.

Many parents fail to notice that their children are turning to drink and drugs, or even considering suicide, the poll found. Some were insensitive enough to break the news of the divorce to their children by text.

One in five of the children polled felt there was no point confiding in either their mother or father because they were ‘too wrapped up in themselves’.

The survey, by parenting website Netmums, polled about 1,000 divorced parents and 100 children aged eight to 18 from broken homes.

Three quarters of adults believed their children had 'coped well' while just 18 per cent of children said they felt happy

Although it featured only a relatively small pool of youngsters, a stark picture emerged of the struggles that many of them face when coping with their parents’ break-up.

One in 20 had turned to alcohol and one in nine had deliberately wounded themselves. A further 6 per cent had considered suicide, while two of those polled had tried to kill themselves.

Almost a third described themselves as devastated by divorce, while one in 12 thought that it meant their mothers and fathers ‘didn’t love them’ and had ‘let them down’.

But despite the damage wrought by their parents splitting, few children felt able to speak openly and honestly about their emotions.

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Roman Catholic bishops’ olive branch to divorcees

December 30th, 2013 Jill Posted in Divorce, Roman Catholicism Comments Off

By John Bingham, Telegraph

Archbishop and bishops urge parishes to open doors to those not in “conventional family situations” ahead of Pope Francis's gathering to discuss lifting remarried divorcees’ exclusion from Holy Communion

Roman Catholic bishops have offered an olive branch to divorcees and single parents urging priests and parishioners to do more to welcome those not in “conventional family situations”.
 
The call, in a series of letters read at services, comes ahead of a major gathering in Rome next year which will discuss the possibility of relaxing the ban on remarried divorcees receiving Holy Communion as part of a reassessment of the Church’s response to sweeping changes to family life.
 
The Archbishop of Birmingham, the Most Rev Bernard Longley, was among a series of British bishops who issued pastoral letters to mark the Feast of the Holy Family – which honours Mary and Joseph – calling for greater “understanding and compassion” within the Church for those faced with marital breakdown.
 
Pope Francis has played down hopes in some quarters of major doctrinal changes but repeatedly spoken of a need not to “judge” people and warned against being “obsessed” with issues such as gay marriage, abortion and contraception.
 
He recently spoke about finding “another way” of treating divorcees who remarry.

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Sons of Divorce, School Shooters

December 20th, 2013 Jill Posted in Divorce Comments Off

by Bradford Wilcox, National Review Online

Another shooting, another son of divorce. From Adam Lanza, who killed 26 children and adults a year ago at Sandy Hook School in Newtown, Conn., to Karl Pierson, who shot a teenage girl and killed himself this past Friday at Arapahoe High in Centennial, Colo., one common and largely unremarked thread tying together most of the school shooters that have struck the nation in the last year is that they came from homes marked by divorce or an absent father. From shootings at MIT (i.e., the Tsarnaev brothers) to the University of Central Florida to the Ronald E. McNair Discovery Learning Academy in Decatur, Ga., nearly every shooting over the last year in Wikipedia’s “list of U.S. school attacks” involved a young man whose parents divorced or never married in the first place.

This is not to minimize the importance of debates about gun control or mental health when it comes to understanding these shootings. But as the nation seeks to make sense of these senseless shootings, we must also face the uncomfortable truth that turmoil at home all too often accounts for the turmoil we end up seeing spill onto our streets and schools.

The social scientific evidence about the connection between violence and broken homes could not be clearer.

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Women behaving badly: cuckolded and downtrodden husbands filling divorce courts

December 15th, 2013 Jill Posted in Divorce, Feminism Comments Off

By John Bingham, Telegraph

The image of “men behaving badly” has become so familiar that it has even lent its name to a sitcom.

But a new analysis of official divorce figures, dating back 40 years, shows a dramatic rise in the number of separations in which “unreasonable behaviour” by women has been recognised by the courts as the main cause.

The number of dissolutions granted to husbands in courts in England and Wales because of women behaving badly has increased sixfold in little more than a generation between 1971 and 2011.

Lawyers said the trend was likely to be a reflection of women becoming more financially independent in recent decades, and more willing to assert themselves.

But they suggested more generous divorce settlements for spouses with lower incomes – usually the wife – in recent years, have made it easier for women to leave their husband without fear of living in penury.

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How to Fight Inequality and Enhance Happiness

December 13th, 2013 Jill Posted in Divorce, Marriage Comments Off

By Mona Charen, Real Clear Politics

President Barack Obama spoke about income inequality in a recent address but failed to mention one of the most significant contributors to rising inequality in America: the marriage gap. Jobs are changing, international competition has driven down wages, top executives are pulling down enormous salaries, but it is cultural patterns — specifically personal decisions about cohabitation and marriage — that are most responsible for deepening the divide between haves and have-nots in America. The contrast between the highly educated and the rest of the nation has become so pronounced that some are now calling marriage a "luxury good." If it becomes that — if the collapse of marriage as a norm continues among the poor and the broad middle class — much more than income inequality will result. We will institutionalize a productivity deficit, a healthy community deficit, a schooling deficit and a happiness deficit.

Marriage is decaying very fast. As recently as the 1980s, only 13 percent of the children of moderately educated mothers (those with a high school diploma and perhaps some college) were born outside of marriage, according to research from the National Marriage Project. Today, it is 44 percent. Even more disturbing are the recent data showing that 53 percent of babies born to women under age 30 are nonmarital.
 
Children of moderately educated parents are beginning to experience family dissolution, instability and pathology at rates more closely resembling the poor than the upper-middle class.

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Religion, Marriage, Divorce: The Numbers

December 5th, 2013 Jill Posted in Divorce, Faith, Marriage Comments Off

From christiandegrees.net

Does religion matter in marriage?

The U.S. is a significantly religious country in terms of how many people believe in God and give a religious affiliation – which should mean that marriage is an important part of life to most people, whether they marry once, many times or never. Unfortunately, some marriages do not last happily ever after, as witnessed by increased divorce rates in the past 40-plus years.

Divorce has been around since before the founding of the United States of America. However, divorce laws are dictated by each state, so some states have historically limited the conditions for divorce. It wasn’t until 1970 that the divorce process in the USA arguably got easier, when California started allowing no-fault divorces and other states eventually did the same.

Religion, Marriage, Divorce: The Numbers

While Americans as a wholly mostly consider themselves religious, divorce rates have increased regardless. Here are some stats on marriage, divorce, and religion.

Note: Because of federal laws, the US Census Bureau does not have mandatory questions on religious affiliations. As such, there is no 100% comprehensive report of religious affiliation for US citizens and residents and thus no complete study of the populace on the inter-significance of religion and marriage. However, there have been other surveys with varying sample sizes conducted specifically to determine religious affiliation and any connection to marriage and divorce. The stats listed below are from these various surveys.

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The straight line from marriage equality to divorce equality

December 5th, 2013 Jill Posted in Divorce, Gay Marriage Comments Off

By Kelly Bartlett, MercatorNet

In 2008, Lauren Beth Czekala-Chatham and Dana Ann Melancon traveled from Mississippi to San Francisco for their dream wedding.
 
A few short years later the dream dissolved and now Czekala-Chatham wants Mississippi to grant her a divorce. Small problem. Her home state doesn’t recognize female marriage. No marriage, no divorce.
Have gay rights activists overplayed their hand? Will Czekala-Chatham’s wedding buyer’s remorse be followed by American voter remorse as more citizens learn of the disruption caused by same sex marriage laws passed in some states, but not recognized in others?
 
Politico reports:
 
“Czekala-Chatham, a 51-year-old credit analyst and mother of two teenage sons from an earlier straight marriage, filed for divorce in chancery court in September. She wants to force Mississippi to recognize the same-sex marriage for the purpose of granting the divorce.”
 
First of all, if she had a previous “straight marriage,” doesn’t that mean Czekala-Chatham used to be straight? Gay rights activists claim that homosexuality is immutable, but did Czekala-Chatham just prove that sexual orientation is actually fluid? If she had a straight marriage and then a gay marriage, does that mean people are not simply “born that way,” but can choose one way and then another?
 
Read here
 
 
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Gay ‘divorce’ jumps 20pc as ‘seven year itch’ hits civil partnerships

October 8th, 2013 Jill Posted in Civil Partnerships, Divorce Comments Off

By John Bingham, Telegraph

It comes seven years after the introduction of same-sex civil unions in 2005 and six years after the number of couples forming them peaked.

Figures from the Office for National Statistics also showed that lesbian couples are markedly more likely to dissolve civil partnerships than gay men.

Family lawyers said that the patterns mirrored those for heterosexual couples in which marriages which break down typically do so between four and eight years in, with women are more likely to file for divorce than men.

According to the ONS there were 7,037 new civil partnerships formed in the UK last year, a 3.6 per cent rise on the previous year.

The rise came at a time when the debate about legalising same-sex marriage was at its height.

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Ireland: Refusing to see rising marital breakdown as a problem

September 10th, 2013 Jill Posted in Divorce, Marriage Comments Off

By David Quinn, Iona Institute

This week The Iona Institute launched a new report called Marriage Breakdown and Family Structure in Ireland. The headline figure is that divorce and separation in Ireland has risen sixfold since 1968. As at Census 2011, almost 250,000 Irish adults were separated or divorced.

I appeared on a number of shows to discuss the report as did Professor Patricia Casey. It’s a pity we didn’t know at the time about a programme that was broadcast in BBC2 last night called ‘Mum and Dad Are Splitting Up’.

The programme interviewed young adults whose parents had divorced. The separated parents were also interviewed. The pain of the young adults whose parents had split up was readily apparent and a lot of their anger was directed at the parent they blamed for the breakup of their family. They didn’t want to hear the excuse of the parent that they were no longer in love.

I debated our report on a number of the shows and several times there was a point blank refusal to acknowledge how serious a problem growing family breakdown presents and how bad it is for children. There was only a concern to minimise the damage to all concerned after a breakup occurred, but there was no real concern I could detect to prevent all these breakups occurring in the first place.

Marriage breakup was instead presented fatalistically as something we have no control over, like the weather. It was also assumed all those broken marriages had been desperately unhappy and that it was better for the children if their parents went their separate ways.

In fact, according to US studies, most marriages that end in divorce are low-conflict and children can cope perfectly well in low-conflict marriages. Low conflict means the parents aren’t violent and and/or constantly shouting at one another.

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What divorce really does to children – in their own shattering words

September 5th, 2013 Jill Posted in Divorce Comments Off

By Yasmin Alibhaii-Brown, Mailonline

Tasha has the look of a young Britney Spears. With long, blonde hair, dressed in a bright pink skimpy top with skin-tight trousers and rather too much make-up, the 17-year-old appears a little too defiant, hard and knowing.

But behind the posturing quivers a hurt little girl, still smarting from the day, as she describes it, 'Dad left Mum for another woman, abandoning us – innocent children with an idyllic family, or so we thought.'

Tasha is one of a number of children and young adults appearing in a BBC TV documentary shown tonight describing, with almost unbearable honesty, the real effect a disintegrating marriage has on children like her.

It's a programme that has struck a particularly resonate chord with me: like Tasha, I will not forget the day, 23 years ago, when my ex-husband announced he was leaving me and our ten-year-old son.

I can still recall the sight of my boy dissolving, sobbing, still not believing that his parents would no longer live together.

I remember the message he recorded on his little cassette player, how he begged his dad to come back – and in turn the hackneyed platitudes delivered by the man who never understood, never wanted to understand, what he did to his child.

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Till retirement us do part: ’silver splitter’ divorces up by three quarters in generation

August 6th, 2013 Jill Posted in Divorce Comments Off

By John Bingham, Telegraph

The rise of the so-called “silver splitter” is set out in an official study showing that the number of people over 60 getting divorced has risen by three quarters in just 20 years.

For centuries couples getting married have promised to be faithful “till death us do part”.

But according to the Office for National Statistics, dramatic changes in life expectancy have prompted many couples to reconsider whether they really want to grow old together.

The ONS singled out the fact that people are living longer as the most likely cause for the surge in people heading for the divorce courts as they reach retirement age.

A more relaxed attitudes to divorce among the “baby boomer” generation in comparison with their parents and greater financially independence among women were also cited as possible explanations.

But, significantly, the figures show that, in stark contrast with other age groups, men over 60 are as likely to file for divorce as women.

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Divorce Study: Kids From Split Families May Be Susceptible To Health Problems Later In Life

July 22nd, 2013 Jill Posted in Children/Family, Divorce Comments Off

From Huffington Post

Children of divorce may be more susceptible to some health problems later in life, according to a new study.
 
Researchers at the University College London found that people whose parents split before they reached age 16 had significantly higher levels of C-reactive protein — a blood marker of inflammation that's associated with greater risk of heart disease and Type 2 diabetes.
 
The study, published in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology, included samples taken at age 44 from 7,462 people who participated in the longitudinal 1958 National Child Development Study.
 
Dr. Rebecca Lacey, lead author of the study, explained that disadvantages that arise after divorce — economic hardships and fewer educational opportunities, for example — could be to blame for the health disparity rather than the event of the divorce, itself.
 
"Our study suggests that it is not parental divorce or separation per se which increases the risk of later inflammation but that it is other social disadvantages, such as how well the child does in education, which are triggered by having experienced parental divorce which are important," she said.
 
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Manhood and Modern Mores

July 19th, 2013 Jill Posted in Children/Family, Divorce Comments Off

By Michael Bradley, Ruth Institute

Father’s Day 2013 has been accompanied, as is usual anymore, by many reflections on the sorry state of fatherhood in the western world.

Many articles in this vein diagnose the problems of modern fatherhood by identifying the myriad cultural practices and ideologies that have reduced and confused the role of fathers in the family, and in a broader context, in society.

Everyone, from religious leaders to politicians and even the President, can plainly see that we are in the midst of a “fatherhood crisis.” Scores of empirical data corroborate this reality, though one hardly needs to consult social science to know that when men are poor husbands to their wives and poor fathers to their children, society suffers badly for their selfishness.

Especially in conservative and religious circles, much ado has been made about the need for men to step up to the plate and play ball. Those vocalizing such arguments often cite the terrible social repercussions and costs of poor fatherhood, the child’s need for her father or the amount of government intervention that attends the broken family culture.

In thus diagnosing the “fatherhood crisis” by referring to the meta-consequences of men being poor fathers, I think that such well-intentioned folks often miss the more fundamental and prior point of problem: Men are being poor men. The fatherhood crisis is the fruit of a “manhood crisis.” You can’t make men better fathers by calling them to be better fathers. You can make men better fathers by calling them to be better men. The solution and the problem lie far in advance of fatherhood, even “spiritual fatherhood.”

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